3.5.11
23.4.11
Div III Contract
My Division III project is a collection of short fiction focusing on aspects of childhood that I have come across during my Divison II work in childhood development (through course work and internship/volunteer work). I set out to create a cohesive collection that would accurately portray children at various stages of growing up. I wanted to shape characters with child-like voices and points of view while also maintaining an interesting and worthwhile piece of fiction. The collection will end up being ten stories ranging from very short fiction to longer pieces. I will write from both adult and child perspectives; the adult voice reflecting on his or her own or someone else’s childhood, or experiencing something in adulthood that brings them back to a point in their childhood.
After being able to start writing the kind of stories I enjoyed to write last spring, I noticed some themes that would run from one story to the next. (I’ve always been a very dark writer in nature. My stories are rarely happy and often end in ambiguity.) As a child I enjoyed being scared. I liked horror stories and monsters, witches, vicious animals. When I started writing, a lot of what scared me as a child came through in my writing. I incorporated the supernatural to express an idea of fear or anxiety in a child. Another theme that came through was that of how people experience grief, trauma, and change of environment.
The main theme that connects directly to my childhood studies concentration is that of when a childhood ends. I don’t think it ends when a person turns eighteen and I don’t think it is the same for everyone. In one story I talk about how a childhood can end with the death or absence of a parent, when no one is there to take care of you anymore, at least not in the same way. A childhood can also end with a traumatic event; something that fundamentally changes the way a child views the world.
When I spoke to people about my project, about writing about children, one of the first things they would ask was, “Through writing have you been thinking a lot about your childhood?” And I would say yes, but that I wasn’t writing about my own experiences but of fictional childhoods that I found engaging because they were different. Then they might have said nonchalantly, “Childhood, how I wish I could go back – so carefree and fun.” But I’ve found that a lot of adults glorify their childhoods; make them seem happier than they were. Children experience uncertainty all the time. My life was anxious and I worried a lot because grown-ups wouldn’t explain a lot of things and there were plenty of things I was too scared to ask about for fear of sounding silly or unimportant. I don’t think my childhood was vastly different from the childhoods of my friends or family.
The books I have read to complement my division III are as following: Lolita by Vladamir Nabokov, Bad Behaviour and Don’t Cry by Mary Gaitskill, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer, Never Let Me Go by Kashuo Ishiguro, Lullabies for Little Criminals by Heather O’Neill, The Worst Years of Your Life Edited by Mark Jude Poirier, The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy, Looking for Alaska by John Green, It’s Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzini, My Mother Never Dies by Claire Castillon, Rethinking Childhood edited by Peter B. Pufall and Richard P. Unsworth, The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy and Other Stories by Tim Burton, Room by Emma Donoghue, Peter Pan by J.M Barrie, Refresh Refresh by Benjamin Percy, Creamy Bullets by Kevin Sampsell, A Wolf at the Table by Augusten Burroughs, and Dahlia Season by Myriam Gurba. And a childhood development textbook.
After being able to start writing the kind of stories I enjoyed to write last spring, I noticed some themes that would run from one story to the next. (I’ve always been a very dark writer in nature. My stories are rarely happy and often end in ambiguity.) As a child I enjoyed being scared. I liked horror stories and monsters, witches, vicious animals. When I started writing, a lot of what scared me as a child came through in my writing. I incorporated the supernatural to express an idea of fear or anxiety in a child. Another theme that came through was that of how people experience grief, trauma, and change of environment.
The main theme that connects directly to my childhood studies concentration is that of when a childhood ends. I don’t think it ends when a person turns eighteen and I don’t think it is the same for everyone. In one story I talk about how a childhood can end with the death or absence of a parent, when no one is there to take care of you anymore, at least not in the same way. A childhood can also end with a traumatic event; something that fundamentally changes the way a child views the world.
When I spoke to people about my project, about writing about children, one of the first things they would ask was, “Through writing have you been thinking a lot about your childhood?” And I would say yes, but that I wasn’t writing about my own experiences but of fictional childhoods that I found engaging because they were different. Then they might have said nonchalantly, “Childhood, how I wish I could go back – so carefree and fun.” But I’ve found that a lot of adults glorify their childhoods; make them seem happier than they were. Children experience uncertainty all the time. My life was anxious and I worried a lot because grown-ups wouldn’t explain a lot of things and there were plenty of things I was too scared to ask about for fear of sounding silly or unimportant. I don’t think my childhood was vastly different from the childhoods of my friends or family.
The books I have read to complement my division III are as following: Lolita by Vladamir Nabokov, Bad Behaviour and Don’t Cry by Mary Gaitskill, Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer, Never Let Me Go by Kashuo Ishiguro, Lullabies for Little Criminals by Heather O’Neill, The Worst Years of Your Life Edited by Mark Jude Poirier, The God of Small Things by Arundhati Roy, Looking for Alaska by John Green, It’s Kind of a Funny Story by Ned Vizzini, My Mother Never Dies by Claire Castillon, Rethinking Childhood edited by Peter B. Pufall and Richard P. Unsworth, The Melancholy Death of Oyster Boy and Other Stories by Tim Burton, Room by Emma Donoghue, Peter Pan by J.M Barrie, Refresh Refresh by Benjamin Percy, Creamy Bullets by Kevin Sampsell, A Wolf at the Table by Augusten Burroughs, and Dahlia Season by Myriam Gurba. And a childhood development textbook.
2.3.11
If You Give a Molly a Cookie
Something I wrote for my friend, Molly, inspired by her want for a late night snack.
If you give a Molly a cookie, she’ll want some tea to go with it.
So you’ll brew her some of your special expensive tea. When she’s finished eating the cookie, she’ll want another. And another. And another. When they’re all gone, she’ll ask you to make some more. You’ll have to go to the store and get some cookie mix. She’ll want to go with you. When she opens the door and feels how chilly it is, she’ll ask to borrow a sweater. When she puts the sweater on, she’ll notice the color is wrong for her outfit. So she’ll ask for another. And another. And when she’s done trying on all your clothes, she’ll want to go shopping for more. So you’ll take her shopping at the thrift store because that’s what she likes best. And she’ll see lots of clothes, but no sweaters she likes, and she’ll try them all on but just buy one skirt, which will remind her of another skirt she has that someone has borrowed and never given back. So she’ll think about all the outfits she could have worn out to go buy cookie ingredients had she that skirt. But she’ll buy the skirt anyway. And in the checkout line she’ll see a pretty mug on display. Seeing the mug will remind her of tea. She’ll probably ask you for some and chances are, she’ll want a cookie to go with it.
If you give a Molly a cookie, she’ll want some tea to go with it.
So you’ll brew her some of your special expensive tea. When she’s finished eating the cookie, she’ll want another. And another. And another. When they’re all gone, she’ll ask you to make some more. You’ll have to go to the store and get some cookie mix. She’ll want to go with you. When she opens the door and feels how chilly it is, she’ll ask to borrow a sweater. When she puts the sweater on, she’ll notice the color is wrong for her outfit. So she’ll ask for another. And another. And when she’s done trying on all your clothes, she’ll want to go shopping for more. So you’ll take her shopping at the thrift store because that’s what she likes best. And she’ll see lots of clothes, but no sweaters she likes, and she’ll try them all on but just buy one skirt, which will remind her of another skirt she has that someone has borrowed and never given back. So she’ll think about all the outfits she could have worn out to go buy cookie ingredients had she that skirt. But she’ll buy the skirt anyway. And in the checkout line she’ll see a pretty mug on display. Seeing the mug will remind her of tea. She’ll probably ask you for some and chances are, she’ll want a cookie to go with it.
1.2.11
Writing About God and Sexuality
For some reason if I write about a person's relationship with the Devil (reference to the story I am writing) God then I also have to bring up sexuality. My protagonist finds comfort and coping in masturbation at an early age. Her younger sister is autistic. Her mother is devoted to taking care of the sister. The father is devoted to avoiding life at home. The protagonist is, for a while, obsessed with "tricking" God (You're welcome Humanities). As she gets older she stops thinking so much about her relationship with God and sees her family for what it is, and subsequently acts out and rebels against her imposed responsibility.
20.1.11
On Catholicism
I've been writing about God. And putting together what I want my collection to look like. And not thinking about getting the damn thing published, which I should be doing. At least a little bit of concern could be handed out for this area of my life. Instead I studied Spanish for three weeks and wrote for fun. I wrote when I wanted to and never pushed myself to produce anything. So I wrote about God and how children think about God and what misunderstandings can be created through the Catholic church's form of education. It's all rather disturbing and sinister. I'm creeped out (in a useful way) by the things I can remember from that period of my life. The very short portion of my life where I wore a uniform and did dance gymnastics in the afternoon.
to be continued...
to be continued...
11.1.11
Leather
I once had a boyfriend who thought I would look great in leather. He was into bondage, wanted a motorcycle – and me on the back. Tall, gangly, wore his pants too high. He always smelled the same from sweated chocolate powdered protein. He wanted to be a lot of different people. I never wore leather. I found it felt too familiar, the dead, beaten flesh. Not until I was sure I had stopped loving him, maybe a few months before, did I take out a pair of leather pants from my mother’s closet, from when she was young and punk and hip, and slip them over my thighs. I looked in the mirror then pulled them off, placing them neatly beneath our bed for later.
15.12.10
About this Blog
I've gone through a lot of blogs. I can't usually keep them. I'm on tumblr because it is easy and quick and my attention can switch rapidly. On a blog I have to take the time to really consider what I post. I've always wanted a place to publish my writing and I've never quite gotten to a place where I feel comfortable showing my work to the world. Writing is a very private thing for me and only a few people in the world have ever seen more than one story from me. It might take me a while to get work up, but that's not for lack of writing, that's for lack of balls, unfortunately. It might take a few tries for me to keep something posted for more than five minutes because I am never happy with anything I do. Perfectionism.
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